The first thing: heterosexual or homosexual, the answer is not in sex — so it is not the question of homosexuality. Even if you are a heterosexual, the answer is not there. Looking in the direction of sex there is no answer, so they are both the same.
The first thing: drop worrying about it! Just by being a heterosexual nothing better is going to happen — it will be the same. So accept your homosexuality just as you accept other things — hunger…. Now life’s answer is not there in eating food — every day you will feel hungry again, again full, and again hungry. The answer is not there, but that does not mean that because the answer is not there you stop taking food, otherwise you will die.
The answer is not in taking a bath, but that doesn’t mean you should stop taking a bath, otherwise you will become dirty and nauseous. The answer is somewhere else, that is true, but to look somewhere else the basic requirement is to accept your normal things. Don’t bother about them too much. If you feel homosexual it is perfectly good, nothing is wrong in it. That is also a way of relating — nothing wrong in it… a little strange, but nothing abnormal about it.
[The sannyasin says: But I can't relate, that's the problem: I cannot relate to people.]
You think that heterosexuals are relating? Who is relating? Everybody is in the same boat! Relating is a great problem — you cannot relate unless you are rooted in your being… you cannot relate. It has nothing to do with relationship to the other; it has something to do with your inner integration.
Only an integrated person can relate, and the paradox is that he does not bother! An integrated person is not bothered about relating or not relating: if it happens, good; if it doesn’t happen, it’s good. He is happy with himself, his happiness does not depend on relationship… but only he can relate. And the person who is not self-integrated cannot relate, is continuously bothered about how to relate, and thinks that everything will be good if he can relate.
You have to come to your consciousness, and I am saying that the first requirement is: don’t be disturbed too much about your ordinary life, don’t create any obsession. If you feel to be homosexual, it is good; if it changes some day and you become heterosexual, that too is good. If you again become homosexual, that too is good. These are ordinary things, nothing worth being worried about. You need not force your attention on them — they should be taken for granted.
If you eat this type of food, that is good; if you eat another type of food, that too is good. The problem is not there. For example, somebody comes and he says, ‘I smoke a certain brand of cigarettes — now this is my problem.’ The brand cannot be the problem: you can change the brand of cigarettes, but the problem will remain the same. That is exactly the thing with the heterosexual and the homosexual: you just change the brand of the cigarette, nothing else.
The first and very fundamental thing is to accept the way you are so there is no need to be bothered about it, no more energy is to be put there. Once that has happened, your energy is available to move inwards. Then you can put your energy more into meditation, not into thinking about how to relate. How to be, let that be your problem: not how to relate… because you can relate only when you are. How can you relate? — because you can relate only when you are. How can you relate when you are not?
A man came to Buddha — he was a very rich man — and he wanted to serve humanity. He wanted Buddha to bless him so that he could open many charitable institutions, hospitals, colleges, schools, and serve humanity. Buddha looked at him with deep compassion — as if he were very sorry for the man. The man became a little embarrassed. and he said, ‘Why are you looking at me as if I am in some trouble? I am not in any trouble — I have enough money, don’t be worried about that!’ Buddha said, ‘I am not worried about that… I am worried about how you can help humanity. You are not, so whatsoever you will do will be harmful. Please, first be, then only do something!’
So shift the emphasis. It has nothing to do with heterosexuality, homosexuality; nothing to do with it. I accept it as it is: It is good; don’t make a problem out of it. If you make a problem out of it you will be continuously stuck there. Not making a problem of it means that now your energy is available, you can move somewhere else.
And relationship remains difficult…. Only a very few people who have come home can relate. Those who are rooted, grounded in their being, only they can relate; otherwise communication is difficult. In fact there is nothing to relate to, nobody to relate from. With whom are you trying to relate? You are not and the person you are trying to relate to is not — just two ghosts trying to relate, trying to hug each other, and passing through each other because they are not; so the hugging never happens. They are shadows…. First become substantial. So please accept your homosexuality — it is perfectly normal, nothing is wrong about it. And this is my feeling: once you have known the world of the homosexual, the world of the heterosexual will never appeal to you. There are a thousand and one reasons for it….
A man easily understands the language of the other man — the woman has a different attitude about everything. If you cannot relate with a man, it will be more difficult to relate with women, because they don’t speak the same language.
I used to stay with a family and I watched the problem. Both the husband and wife are good people, very good people, but are constantly arguing and nagging and constantly at the edge, never at ease. I watched them and I saw what the problem was: they were not speaking the same language. In fact no woman speaks the same language as the man — cannot! And no man speaks the same language as the woman — he cannot! They are different types of creatures.
When a woman wants to think about something she talks about it. When a man wants to think about something he keeps quiet. When a man is thinking and the woman comes and disturbs him — for small things: she may ask ‘Would you like to have another cup of coffee?’ — he is angry and he says, ‘If I need, I will ask!’
Now, she was very loving and he is very blunt. On the surface it seems that it is very ugly of the man to rebuff her in that way, but what is happening inside? He was thinking about something — now she brings a cup of coffee and disturbs his whole track of thought. He thinks only when he is silent, and when the woman wants to think, she talks — that is her way of thinking: she thinks aloud.
A husband sitting silently looks as if he is angry or something, sad or something, and when the wife continuously talks the husband thinks, ‘She never thinks! What is the matter? She just goes on talking — never thinks. She has nothing to say and goes on talking!’ Two different kinds of psychologies… so remember that. Once you are interested homosexually you have found a relationship which is easier, less challenging, less risky, with less conflict. That’s why homosexuals are called ‘gay’ — they are gay! Heterosexuals are always sad, there is always some problem or other.
Homosexuals are really gay, happy people — they understand each other. If you understand yourself a little bit, you understand the other man you love. There is a great ‘ understanding between the persons… and it is so with lesbians.
A woman understands another woman. Once a woman is a lesbian it is very difficult to turn her energy into heterosexuality, very difficult because she relates well — better — with a woman. She understands her heart — it is her own heart; they belong to the same world and the same dimension.
So once it happens it becomes very difficult to change. But I am not saying that there is any need to move to the other — there is no need: accept it, nothing is wrong in it. Accept yourself totally and be happy the way you are.
[The sannyasin says: Really, I want to just get up and dance all the time.... But I feel very restricted.]
No, no, nobody is restricting you. Be gay!
This Is It Chapter #4 4 May 1977
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